


The OT3 House Interview

by TheCrazyGeek



Category: Top Gear (UK) RPF
Genre: Cute, Interviews, Multi, Swearing, Threesome - M/M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-17
Updated: 2012-11-17
Packaged: 2017-11-18 21:23:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/565446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheCrazyGeek/pseuds/TheCrazyGeek
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The OT3 House is where Jeremy, Richard and James live together as a romantic threesome. This is what happened when they gave an interview.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The OT3 House Interview

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on the Livejournal Topgearslash community

 

**The Interview**

The Daily Phwoar

This reporter was recently afforded a glimpse into what has probably become the most famous reclusive home in England after Her Majesty.

3 men live here, they make a television show about cars called 'Top Gear' and amidst other projects they found time to fall in love with each other. Initial press when they first moved in as a romantic unit was so negative that they refused to do interviews for a long time. 2 years later and due in part to the massive upswing in acceptance of bisexual polyamorous relationships recently they have decided to rescind that stance.

Your reporter caught up with them on a sunny summer morning at their country estate in Wiltshire, directions for which included 'look for the road with all the number eleven skid marks up it' and 'look for the sign on the door that says 'Duncrashing'. 

James May set out cups of tea on the patio for all of us and then joined Richard Hammond and Jeremy Clarkson at the table, Top Gear Dog (or TG as she is known) was asleep at Richard's feet . It was a perfect picture of domestic bliss...that is until the boys got talking.

 

**Reporter: I must comment on how lovely this house is, did you have a hard time deciding on where to live?.**

Richard: There were some really big fights over that. James wanted to stay in London but we didn't.

James: These two went out house hunting and found this place and essentially won me over by mentioning how big the garage was.

Richard: You could race horses in there if you really wanted to – it's HUGE

 

**Reporter: Up until now you've refused to give any interviews, can I ask why that has changed?**

Richard: When this all began, the tabloids went berserk

Jeremy: Well that is kind of what they do, but he's right, it was exceptionally vicious. More so than we really warranted.

James: The more we tried to calm things down, the more hate-filled it became, so in the end we just refused to say any more.

Jeremy: We'll live our lives the way we want and if the likes of Piers Morgan disapprove well, then they are just bastards.

 

**Reporter: What initially attracted you to each other?**

Richard: Jeremy hates me saying this, but he's like a wolf – unfailingly loyal and protective. He's always got your back and he makes you feel like he'll protect you through the worst the world will throw at you.

Jeremy: Hammond's got a cute bum

Richard: JEREMY!

Jeremy: What?

Richard: You're supposed to be serious about this, not an ape!

Jeremy: I was being serious, you have got a nice bottom.

James: Why I ever found this two attractive is a mystery best left to the ages when they are like this.

Richard: Come on, you love us really

James: Of course I do you cock.

 

**Reporter: So, when did you all get together as romantic partners?**

Jeremy: Me and Richard were the first. That was a combination of both our marriages failing, going out and getting catastrophically drunk..

Richard: If I can just correct you there Jez, there wasn't any booze involved in us getting together.

Jeremy: Yes there was!

Richard: Well maybe a little, but not huge amounts. Jeremy and I had a couple of 'lads nights in' watching films and such, we realised we actually really liked each other's company. One thing led to another...

Jeremy: No-one is immune to my charms!

Richard: Well no-one but every person you've ever insulted in your newspaper articles...

 

**(It appears that the banter between these three is a continuous occurrence but they are often quick to add that it doesn't mean they love each other any less.)**

 

Jeremy: I got James didn't I?

James: If I may interject here, you did not in fact 'get me'

Richard: No, I did!

James: It was both of these half-wits that started pursuing me. At first I thought they'd been inhaling too many petrol fumes..

Jeremy: You liked my flowers though!

James: Yes, but not when you decided to 'arrange' them in the fuel tank of my car

Richard: Come on, that was pretty funny, especially when you fished them out and dropped them inside Jezza's coat

Jeremy: I liked that coat...

Richard: Anyway, yes we both flirted with James and after a VERY long time we finally managed to convince him we'd not been huffing petrol.

James: It was a surprise to say the least. Yes I'd been attracted to them both but I knew they were together so I'd put it to the back of my mind.

Richard: Took us nearly a whole season to get it through his head that this wasn't an elaborate wind-up.

 

**Reporter: So the dynamics of a 3 person relationship didn't bother you?**

Jeremy: Not me no, I've defined myself as a 'try-sexual'. I'll try anything!

Richard: He likes to give the impression of a randy sod, he's got a surprisingly soppy side though.

Jeremy: Shut up , Mr I-love-my-car-so-much-I-named-it

James: I believe it works so well because we all fit into one of 3 distinct groups – the Id, the Ego and the Superego

Jeremy: Christ, I thought you'd hidden his philosophy books Hammond.

James: Shut up you pillock. Anyway, Jeremy is conclusively the Id.

Jeremy: What does that mean?

James: Loud and obnoxious. I'm the Superego

Richard: Biggest nerd on the planet

James: Quite. And Richard fits the Ego.

Richard: Because I keep the peace in the house ** **smiles****

 

**Reporter: It can't be easy sometimes seeing as how you three work and live together. How do you cope with conflicts and stress?**

Richard: We've each got our own room in the house that is ours, no-one else allowed in. Mostly we use them for work but it's always nice to have a refuge.

Jeremy: We call his 'The Hamster Cage'

James: We've also got our cars and bikes so we can get out and go for a drive if we need a bit of space.

Jeremy: And we do other projects as well, presenting our own shows or going on poncy wine tours with Oz Clarke.

 

**Reporter: Do each of you have little habits that annoy the other two?**

All three: Oh God YES!

James: These two snore

Richard: James goes completely mental if the books, or DVDs, are not on the shelves in alphabetical order and subdivided into genre.

James: That just makes practical sense. It's easier to find everything if it is neatly put away.

Richard: James farts and Jeremy plays his ghastly Pink Floyd and Genesis albums all day

Jeremy: Richard keeps nicking my fags!

Richard: Well you hog the bed

Jeremy: Because I'm about 20 feet taller than you so I take up more room!

James: And to be fair Richard, you hog the entire bathroom. I've dated women who keep less stuff in there than you do

Jeremy: **laughs** it's like Boots in there, aisle after aisle of hair products, toothpaste, bath gunk

Richard: Well some of us like to look a bit presentable and not like we've crawled out of a duck's arse

 

**Reporter: Obviously living together hasn't blunted your personalities at all**

Richard: To be honest, we've managed driving through deserts and rainforests together, sharing a house isn't so hard.

 

**Reporter: So, any plans for marriage?**

All three: GOD NO

Jeremy: No chance, been there, done that etc.

Richard: Well us two have anyway.

Jeremy: Although, you know something Hammond?

Richard: What?

Jeremy: James would look stunning in a white dress..

James: Oh do put a sock in it you utter pillock

 

**Reporter: Do you have a message or words of wisdom for our readers?**

Jeremy: Never give a toss what the press writes about you, live your life the way you want to not the way others want you to.

James: Unconventional does not automatically equate to bad

Richard: Love is where you find it 

 

So there we have it. A true picture of three partners, who still keep the friendly rivalry that made them stars on an 'Ambitious but rubbish' TV show but added true love into the mix. It's a cocktail that seems to have worked surprisingly well, long may it continue.


End file.
